Grey’s Anatomy: 10 Funniest Miranda Bailey Quotes


Miranda Bailey may be one of the most serious characters on Grey’s Anatomy, but at times, she is capable of making fans laugh with her lines.

Miranda Bailey has been one of the most important characters in Grey’s Anatomy. She has been an integral part of the show since the first season and continues to be. While Bailey’s story forms much of the emotional core of the show, she has been in many hilarious situations that have seen her deliver lines of comic gold.

RELATED: Grey’s Anatomy: Why Miranda Bailey Is Actually The Show’s Main Character

Bailey is incredibly straightforward on professional matters, but extremely awkward on some particular subjects. Since the personal and the professional are a mixed topic in the hospital, it provides plenty of material for Miranda’s insanely funny quotes.

10 “Find a man who is interested in fistulas”

A very drunk Bailey tells her drinking buddies Teddy, Mark and Callie that she is only interested in a man who is as interested in fistulas as she is. When Teddy talked about online dating and the boxes she checked in them saying she liked walks and dogs, Bailey talks about the only boxes she wanted to check were the ones that said she was interested in fistulas and pancreas.

Watching a drunken Bailey is in itself entertaining for audiences, but this particular exchange was made even more fun by Bailey’s insistence on repeating ‘fistulas.’

9 “It’s Idris Elba!”

Bailey and Warren have a disagreement on whether they should keep each other on life support or not if the worst happens. While Bailey insists that she does not want extraordinary measures, Ben tells her that he would like to be placed on life support, giving her some optimistic and hypothetical situations.

Bailey then proceeds to give Ben multiple hypothetical scenarios of her own, one in which she attempts to explain how Ben, being on life support, would prevent him from having a chance to be with Idris Elba. He doesn’t even regret his words, which is why Ben and the viewers find the situation even more hilarious.

8 “Alex Karev is not the guy you want to make your maiden voyage with.”

Very drunk Miranda Bailey decides to give April Kepner some advice about her love life, which is extremely uncomfortable for Kepner but fun for fans. As many fans recall, April almost lost her virginity to Alex Karev. Bailey insists that April didn’t want to do this considering the way Alex often treated women.

RELATED: Grey’s Anatomy: 5 Shameful Things Alex Karev Did (& 5 Things You Should Be Proud Of)

She tells him that April needs to find someone kind and someone who really loves her. Someone who is like “Ben, but not your Ben.” Even April couldn’t contain her laughter after this.

7 “Look it down.”

When Callie asks Miranda how she does things with assistants who are too busy and trapped in their own world, Miranda tells Callie her signature technique of looking down on people.

It’s pretty obvious to everyone that Bailey’s ability to stare at someone and convince them to do what she wanted was extraordinary. However, by spelling it like this he made it clear that he always knew the power he had. Callie takes his advice and manages to get things done too.

6 “This man is a Wh * re, has always been a Wh * re, and will probably always be a Wh * re.”

When the nurses boycott Dr. Sloan, after a day of deliberation, Bailey tries to defend him. While Sloan gets the impression that she was going to defend him, she directly tells the nurses the obvious.

She clearly says that Mark has never downplayed the fact that he sleeps with multiple women and is not seriously involved in any relationship with them. Still, no one expected this quote to come out of his mouth.

5 “O’Malley. Stop looking at my Vajayjay.”

Bailey refused to push after finding out that her husband was not with her yet. But, after a moment, George decides to help and support her during the birthing process. When the baby was being pushed, George begins to comment on how cute he is and has a lot of hair.

RELATED: Grey’s Anatomy: 5 Most Shameless Things George Did (& 5 He Should Be Proud Of)

But Miranda ends that series of descriptions by asking you to give her a certain level of privacy. This is really one of the most Bailey-like things he’s ever said.

4 “Which one of you left your damn drawers on my surgical floor?”

After Meredith and Derek’s debacle at the hospital prom, Addison finds Meredith’s underwear in Derek’s pockets. He washes it carefully and posts it on the bulletin board as a little revenge.

Bailey’s discomfort at finding the lacy black underwear pinned to the bulletin board is insanely funny. And then he proceeds to ask very forcefully whose it was in what can only be called in typical Bailey fashion.

3 “The Vajayjay is an unknown country.”

When Callie panicked about her date with Hahn and the expectations that may arise, she shares it with Bailey. While Bailey was initially overwhelmed with the information and was unable to give any sensible advice, she then reaches out to Callie and gives her what she considers to be very comforting advice.

RELATED: Grey’s Anatomy: 5 Most Embarrassing Things Bailey Did (& 5 They Should Be Proud)

She says that since Callie was new to this, she obviously didn’t know the ‘manners and ways’ so she had to prepare and do some research. Bailey also added that the ‘cuisine’ of the ‘undiscovered country’ might or might not be for everyone and anything was fine. Although Callie is initially at a loss, she soon realizes what Bailey means and thanks her for the advice.

two “Rule four: The dying patient had better not be dead when I arrive. Not only have you killed someone, but you have woken me up for no reason.”

The fan introduction to Miranda Bailey in the first episode of the show was with Bailey’s monologue about the different rules her interns had to follow. While the entire monologue was scary and funny at the same time, this particular rule from her entire list of rules was especially funny because she takes into account the fact that hers is serious work with dire consequences.

1 “I need the energy of youth.”

When Richard had everyone at the hospital sign forms that listed the people they slept with, Webber made it explicitly clear that Bailey was exempt from doing the same. As a single woman, Bailey took offense at the suggestion that she didn’t have a life outside of the hospital.

So he prepares a bogus list with the names of many interns, which surprised Webber, to which he responded with the quote above. He also added that he allegedly had multiple encounters with Mark Sloan and Derek Shepherd, which increased the comic look tenfold.

NEXT: Grey’s Anatomy: Miranda Bailey’s Slow Transformation Over The Years (In Pictures)


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