On March 31, two very big boys will collide in Godzilla vs. Kong, a titanic monster fight for ages that the director Adam Wingard he insists that he will have a definite winner. The natural human reaction of anyone who has seen a movie is “no, it won’t.” We all remember Freddy vs. Jason. We live through it. But Wingard has been adamant that, as it says on the posters, one will fall.
“This is the decisive one. You don’t have to debate it anymore,” he said. IGN. “You watch this movie. That’s Godzilla, that’s King Kong. They’re beating each other, and you win, and that’s it.”
So if one of these monsters must win, we’ve calculated the numbers, compiled the data, watched the 1967 movie King Kong escapes more than any human should, trying to figure out which beast is most likely to be victorious. Here is the Godzilla vs. Kong History of the tape.
Height and reach
Much fuss has been made about the size of both giants in Godzilla vs. Kong, because throughout the years, King Kong has always been much smaller than his great green enemy. To be fair, Godzilla’s height has fluctuated wildly, reaching around 165 feet when it debuted in 1954 and topping 390 feet for Warner Bros. Monster-Verse. Comparatively, Kong has been more in the range of “eight gorillas stacked on top of each other to form one large gorilla.” But Warner Bros. set the stage for a bigger Kong in Kong: Skull Island, when Hank Marlow (John C. Reilly) says of the already great Titan: “Kong is the last of his kind, but he is still growing.”
The Kong of Wingard movie is officially at a healthy 335 feet, while Godzilla comes in at 393. So yeah, Zilla still has a substantial height advantage, and you know she has the weight advantage. The only thing Kong has from his opponent in the size department is reach. Godzilla is a mythical mix of dragon, dinosaur, and whale, a formidable pack that still leaves you with little T-Rex arms. In a direct boxing match, Kong wins. Unfortunately, most regulation boxing matches do not allow six-mile long tails or radioactive breath with the power of a hundred nukes.
Godzilla and Kong have only danced directly once before, in 1962. King Kong vs. Godzilla from the original Godzilla director Ishirō Honda. Obviously that’s completely different canon, but it does offer some insight into how you organize a fair fight between two completely different monsters. For one thing, King Kong absolutely needs to get his butt kicked at least once. He just has to, and he does it hilariously in the 1962 movie, when he shows up and half-throws a rock in the direction of Godzilla. Godzilla, in return, blows Kong up with his atomic breath, and Kong immediately walks away as “absolutely not my apartment, not today.” It governs.
Nevertheless, the second fight in the movie is different. Kong is literally airlifted into the fight using a complex balloon system, supercharged by lightning, and proceeds to launch Godzilla as if the iconic Kaiju owes him four weeks’ rent. My man shoves a tree down Godzilla’s throat. You’ve seen the GIF. For decades, many fans have called at the end of King Kong vs. Godzilla ambiguous, but the images themselves are not Quite supports that reading. Kong and Godzilla fall into the ocean, and only Kong emerges. The movie ends in Kong, with Godzilla dragging an L to the bottom of the ocean.
Unfortunately, this category is aggressively uneven, as Kong’s most notable claim to fame is climbing a very tall tower and being shot and killed. This has happened to the boy three times. In 1933 Son of Kong We learn that Kong had an adorable baby, who quickly drowns in the same movie. In 1986 King kong lives, we are introduced to Lady Kong and another son of Kong, whom King Kong knows for about 10 seconds before being ripped apart again by the military. Yes, the big man has scored some impressive lower-tier victories against various T-Rexes and giant octopuses, in addition to the only time in 1967 that he fought the tragically dark Mecha-Kong, but Kong’s resume is mostly deeply tragic until that Monster-Verse began to paint him as a butt-kicker just like Godzilla.
On the other hand, you have Godzilla, presented as a powerful metaphor for the horror and destruction of nuclear war, a force of nature born of the sins of humanity. Over seven decades, Godzilla has incorporated a collection of top-notch aliens, sea monsters, and any other Kaiju that felt like a frog in their general neighborhood. Mechagodzilla, a living weapon specifically designed to defeat Godzilla, fell five times. The three-headed astro-abomination known as King Ghidorah sent packing Eight times. They roll. Hedorah. Destoroyah. Space-Godzilla! All of them scrambled where they came from. Godzilla put a sick kick to Megalon’s chin and the world has never been the same. It’s time, once again, to see the Godzilla dropkick.
The key to victory
See what Kong will want to avoid doing is turning into a huge pile of monkey dust radiated from Godzilla’s atomic breath. That is the number one priority. Practically the main stumbling block since this movie was announced was “why doesn’t Godzilla sneeze King Kong to death?” and friends, it is a fair question. It is not normally necessary to do a story from the “Bazooka vs. Baseball Bat” tape. But you have to remember that Kong is a survivor and, more than that, he is a strategist. Yes, it starts with fists and feet, but in Kong: Skull Island my boy used a ship propeller as a medieval war mace. the Godzilla vs. Kong The trailers revealed that Kong has increased his arsenal, wielding a massive ax formed from what looks like a pickaxe plucked straight from Godzilla’s back, the smallest move ever made by a 30-foot-tall ape. Kong needs to use that cunning and keep moving, David vs. Goliath’s story if Goliath also shoots lasers out of his mouth.
As for Godzilla, well, it’s like offering the keys to victory to a Hummer that is about to crash into a Mini-Cooper. Godzilla is … overwhelming. It is a walking landmass that can survive underwater, a gigantic mythical beast that breathes radiation and dwarfs most buildings. It has the advantage over paper in almost every column; size, weight, strength, sick dance moves. If Kong stands his ground and moves, it’s a fight, but what if this movie ever paints Kong in a corner? Game over, man. Game over.
Godzilla vs. Kong hits theaters and at HBO Max on Wednesday, March 31.
KEEP READING: Why Legendary’s MonsterVerse Has Succeeded Where DC, Universal, and Sony Have Failed
Someone is going to do a 25 minute version of this movie that is just monster fights, and people will prefer it.
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