Day 3 of “Indictment Watch,” as Jimmy Fallon has dubbed it, has come and gone, and twice-impeached former president Donald Trump has not been officially charged with anything as of yet. But Fallon is pretty sure it’s coming, considering he “obtained” Trump’s pre-indictment to-do list.
During his monologue on Thursday night, Fallon first poked fun at the fact that Trump’s presidential campaign has actually raised money since he claimed he’d be arrested on Tuesday. According to the New York Post, Trump’s campaign has raised roughly $1.5 million, or, as Fallon put it, “like 10 hush money payments.”
The “Tonight Show” host then joked that it’s a lot of money because, after taxes, it’s still $1.5 million for Trump since, well, he doesn’t properly pay his taxes. Eventually though, Fallon guessed Trump knows what’s coming for him.
“Nobody is sure whether Trump will be indicted, but he must know something’s coming because he already prepared a checklist of things to accomplish before turning himself in,” Fallon joked. “And I actually have a copy of it right here.”
The “Tonight Show” host then ran down that list, beginning with “gnaw on chicken bones to make a bucket of shivs.” That to-do list also included buying gold paint for the toilets in prison, so Trump could “feel more at home,” as well as saying a proper goodbye to his loved ones of him: Vladimir Putin and Mike Lindell.
Of course, Melania Trump was included on the list of loved ones — but she’s only getting “a long, passionate wave goodbye.” In the end, there was one item that superseded all the others.
“Ask the warden if they show ‘Fox and Friends,’” Fallon joked. “So there you go! I’m glad he’s well-prepared. He’s got a list.”
You can watch Fallon’s full monologue in the video above.